Sacrificial Love

sacrificial love

c) Eph 5:25–30: We cannot separate Paul’s exhortation to wives to submit from his charge to husbands (Eph 5:18–24).[1]

As with fathers and slave owners, he commanded husbands not to abuse their authoritative position (Eph 6:1–4, 9; Col 3:19).[2]

Such reciprocity in household codes was unheard of in the Greco-Roman milieu. Typically, they regulated the behavior of women, children, and slaves toward husbands, parents, and masters.[3]

Greco-Roman men would have expected Paul to command husbands to rule over their households.[4]

For example, the first century BC author Dionysius of Halicarnassus wrote:

This custom still remains…[Roman] law obliged both the married women, as having no other refuge, to conform themselves entirely to the temper of their husbands, and the husbands to rule their wives as necessary and inseparable possessions.

Accordingly, if a wife was virtuous and in all things obedient to her husband, she was mistress of the house to the same degree as her husband was master of it.[5]

In contrast, Christian husbands could no longer emulate the harsh, oppressive rule which their fathers practiced as they led their families (Eph 6:1–4).[6]

Instead, Paul called them to follow the example of Jesus (Mark 9:33–35; Mark 10:42–45),[7] applying the gospel to their cultural context.[8]

The proper exercise of headship consists of self-sacrifice, not self-assertion.[9]

Ironically, Paul later commanded the women of Ephesus “to rule the house and family” (1 Tim 5:14).[10]

He used a term of strength (oikodespotein) which many translations weaken to mean “keep house.” In Greco-Roman households, homeowners expected their wives to oversee their children, their slaves, and crops growing on their estates.[11]

Like other ancient writers, Paul did not specifically mention husbands loving their wives, yet his intent remains clear.[12]

Believers cannot insist on getting what we want but must love our neighbors as ourselves (Lev 19:18; Luke 6:31; Gal 5:13–26; Phil 2:1–8). Therefore, Paul commanded that a Christian husband must exhibit this type of attitude with his wife, putting her interests before his own.[13]

Paul described this kind of love in 1 Cor 13:4–8a.

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Read Eph 5:25–30. Why is this passage counter-cultural? What did Jesus do for the church? How can a man emulate Christ’s expression of love for his wife? What happens in a marriage when a couple practices self-sacrificial love, submission, and respect?






Go to Three Heads


[Related posts include Unity in the Spirit (Eph 5:18–21); Submissive to One Another (Eph 5:21–24); Obedience in the Lord (Eph 6:1); Life-Long Honor (Eph 6:2–3); Nurturing and Training (Eph 6:4); Partners in Ministry (Acts 18:1–3, 18–20, 24–26 and 2 Ki 22:11–23:4); Effects of the Fall Reversed (Rom 5:12–21 and Rom 16:1–12); Marital Separation (1 Cor 7:10–11); Concerning Mixed Marriages (1 Cor 7:12–13); Contagious Holiness (1 Cor 7:14); Dissolution of Marriage (1 Cor 7:15–16); Three Heads (1 Cor 11:3); Interdependence (1 Cor 11:11–12); A Minority Religion (1 Pet 3:1–2); In the Spirit of Sarah (1 Pet 3:3–6); and Living Together with Understanding (1 Pet 3:7–9)]


[Click here to go to Women and Marriage Throughout Redemptive History; or to Chapter 8: Pain and Desire (Genesis 3:16, 20)]


[1] Lincoln, Ephesians, 374.

[2]Fitzgerald, “Haustafeln,” ABD 3:80.

[3]Balch, “Household Codes,” ABD 3:318.

[4]Arnold, Ephesians, 380.

[5]Dionysius of Halicarnassus, Roman Antiquities (LCL; Cambridge; London: Harvard University Press; Heinemann, 1937), 2.25, 383,

[6] An official statement of the theologically-conservative Presbyterian Church of America states, “The Committee believes that when there are words and actions on the part of one spouse that threatens the life of the other spouse and/or children, that the one(s) threatened should be counseled by the [elders], or representative thereof, to remove themselves from the threatening situation and the abuser should be urged to seek counsel.  Such a procedure will protect those threatened.  When the abuser does not cease these words and actions, the [elders] should investigate whether these words and actions are in effect breaking the one-flesh relationship by ‘hating’ the abused spouse and not ‘nourishing and cherishing’ this one (Eph 5:28–29). In counseling the abuser, the reality of his Christian faith should be ascertained. When it is determined by the [elders] that the abuser does not appear to them to be Christian and the abuse continues, the Pauline teaching about an unbeliever leaving a believer should be applied [1 Cor 7:12–16].” (PCA Digest, “Report of the Ad-Interim Committee on Divorce and Remarriage.” (To the Twentieth General Assembly, 1992), Appendix 0,, 291–2.

[7]Arnold, Ephesians, 380.

[8]Gordon D. Fee, “The Cultural Context of Ephesians 5:18–6:9,” Priscilla Papers 31, no. 4 (1 September 2017): 6,

[9] Lincoln, Ephesians, 374.

[10]Karl Heinrich Rengstorf, “οἰκοδεσποτεω” (oikodespoteō), NIDOTTE, 2:49.

[11]Cohick, Women in the World of the Earliest Christians, 68–9.

[12]Snodgrass, Ephesians, 296.

[13] Lincoln, Ephesians, 366.